A new PC to keep the shadows away.

Hi. My name is Lee, and I'm trying to raise funds for a new PC. Why? Let me explain.

But first, please know that I am doing this as a last resort. Anyone who knows me knows just how difficult I find it to ask for help. So the fact I am even attempting to do this speaks volumes as far as I am concerned. Also, it must be said that I know I do not write in the most friendly way, and it can come off stiff and weird. I apologise for this, but it's the only way I know how to write that doesn't sound forced to me, even as it probably does to you. With that in mind, thank you for reading the following.

I suffer from chronic depression, severe generalised/social anxiety, and situational/selective mutism, which means I can't speak unless specific conditions are met. I live alone with no family close by, and friends are limited by distance. The last five years have been hell as my conditions get worse. It's now at the stage where my anxiety has become such that I cannot leave the house. I cannot make or answer phone calls as the anxiety kicks the mutism into action, and I can't have people over because my social anxiety prevents me from having IRL connections with people. So for the last 5 years, I've spent most of my time on my PC. It's been my only connection to the normal life that I lost to my illnesses. And it must be said, it has helped me make connections to people and causes dear to me.

I became a video game streamer as a hobby because streaming is one of the few places where my conditions don't have too big an impact. The control I have over my streams is a huge factor in this, but also streaming allows me to push back against my illness and fight it with all I have while remaining fully able to disconnect when necessary. I also have dabbled in podcasting and audio/video editing, which has been productive and another test of the boundaries of my illness and my skills. Overall, I believe I am doing the best I can to stave off one of my biggest fears: losing my voice and my freedom entirely, given the lack of support structures and the difficulty in obtaining them. My PC has been instrumental in 4all of this.

In the past 5 years, my PC has died no less than 4 times. Various parts have given up and been replaced by second-hand parts from various friends across the country. And slowly but surely, these parts too have given up, because second-hand means they have all worn out in various ways that are not visible to the outside. I am on my last parts now, and every day I wait for these parts I have left to break, leaving me with nothing. This is not an end-point I want to face. The last time I lost my PC, I was a wreck. I contemplated suicide, it was that bad. You may roll your eyes, but please remember this PC is my only lifeline to the outside world I have. It provides my entertainment, my social life, my hobbies and my ability to eat. Due to my anxiety and subsequent agoraphobia, I am reliant on home delivery and online ordering for groceries which I require a PC to do effectively. Streaming and gaming keep my brain sharp, helps keep my connection with others, and prevents me from getting too inside my head on those bad depression days. I've started to learn other languages on this machine, which along with the other activities I do allows me to build and hone skills that may actually help me overcome these obstacles, and with time and effort return to the life I used to have. But I can't even make a start on any of these goals without a PC I don't constantly have to worry about losing. The last weeks have seen me losing sleep in perpetual fear of being cut off from the outside world. I can't turn this machine off for fear it will not start again. This is having an obvious effect on my power bill which is another added stress I just cannot continue bearing for much longer. That lack of sleep hasn't helped my stress levels as I walk on eggshells around my mental health, and I find myself crying randomly as my brain is so exhausted from stress.

Basically, without a PC that will serve me for at least the next few years without stress and expense, I will not last long. It sounds extreme but it's true.

So what am I asking for? AUD$2000. That's all. For years of peace of mind and mental stability. This will buy a PC that will be custom built and shipped by PC Case Gear , an Australian company. This PC will be built to last for at least the next 5 years, and since all the parts will be modern and new, the stress of any part failing is minimised, and if they do fail, the machine has a guarantee for at least 2 years, or more if I buy into that too.

I will also be using some of the good/still new parts in my failing machine, wherever possible, such as my platter disk drives, my RAM if there are enough slots on the board, and my optical drive because yes I still use optical media. I like watching (and often need to watch) DVD's on my computer. I will also use any surplus funds for maintenance costs, such as cleaning equipment. Not a single penny or part will be wasted. I will also be able to return any parts I have borrowed to their rightful owners if they want them back, which will also take a massive weight off my mind.

I can't stress enough how important this is. Living on an extremely limited income, I cannot afford this on my own. I cannot get a loan, and I especially cannot risk any further deterioration of my mental health. I need this as quickly as possible.

I understand though that not everyone will see this for the emergency it is, or be able to help out. And that's okay. But I hope you'll at least spread the campaign around, every share is appreciated.

Thank you so much for reading, and for helping out if you can. It truly means the world to me.